So You're Thinking About Moving to Asheville
*Currently writing this from my apartment in North Ashevilleafter my morning run, second cortado of the day from High Five, Wesley snoring at my feet*
I get it. You've probably been googling "gay life in Asheville" at 2am, finding the same tourist board articles about how "welcoming" and "diverse" we are. Maybe you visited once, saw some pride flags, ate at Curate, and thought "I could live here."
Here's what those articles won't tell you: I moved here from Boston in October 2019, burned out from my PhD work at Harvard, recently divorced, with a dog and no real plan beyond "mountains seem nice." Five years later, I'm a realtor who spends Tuesday nights atHighland Brewing volleyball, knows every barista in West Asheville by name, and genuinely can't imagine living anywhere else.
But let me be real with you about what that actually means.
What We're Covering
Want to skip ahead to specific info?
Planning a Visit? Start Here
Whether you're coming for a weekend to test the waters or already planning your move, I've created detailed itineraries based on what actually works. These aren't tourist board fluff - they're the exact schedules I use when friends visit.
LGBTQ+ Weekend
Find your people, hit the gay spots, feel the vibe
View ItineraryHouse Hunting
Explore neighborhoods like you're actually moving
View ItineraryNature Lover
Mountains, trails, and why we all move here
View ItineraryFood & Culture
James Beard winners and dive bars that matter
View ItineraryWhy I Actually Moved Here (The Real Story)
I was living in Boston, deep in my PhD research on dietary therapy for chronic epilepsy (yes, really), when I realized I hadn't seen sunlight in three months. My marriage was ending, my entire identity was wrapped up in academic achievement, and I was having panic attacks in the Harvard library bathroom. Super healthy stuff.
A family member suggested real estate as a career pivot. I thought they were insane. Then I sold three houses in my first month and won rookie of the year. Turns out the same obsessive research skills that got me through a PhD translate pretty well to finding people homes. Who knew?
But why Asheville? Honestly, it was a spreadsheet decision at first. I wanted:
- Mountains (grew up in Florida, needed the opposite)
- Seasons that actually change
- Small enough to build community
- Gay-friendly without being a gay mecca
- Good coffee (non-negotiable)
- Outdoor access for running
- Dogs welcome everywhere
Asheville checked every box. Plus, when I visited in summer 2019, I went toO.Henry's on a Friday night, met three people who invited me to brunch the next day, and thought "okay, these are my people."
The thing nobody tells you about moving somewhere new as a gay person is that you're not just looking for a place to live. You're looking for a place where you can be casually, boringly yourself. Where holding your boyfriend's hand at Harris Teeter doesn't require a safety calculation. Asheville gave me that.
The Gay Scene (Let's Be Honest)
First things first: if you're coming from NYC, LA, or San Francisco expecting a thriving gayborhood with multiple bars and a circuit party scene... lower those expectations. Like, way lower. Like, to the ground.
Here's what we actually have:
The Actual Gay Spots
- • O.Henry's - Our one gay bar. It's fine. You'll develop opinions.
- • Highland Brewing - Tuesday volleyball is gayer than O.Henry's
- • Banks Ave - Monthly queer dance party (actually fun)
- • Pride - In October because we're quirky
- • Various house parties - You'll find them
The Reality
- • Everyone knows everyone (blessing and curse)
- • Your ex will be at every event
- • The apps show the same 50 faces
- • Most socializing happens at "straight" places
- • Community is real but small
But here's what's beautiful: because the scene is small, you actually make friends. Real friends. Not just bar acquaintances or app hookups. I have deeper friendships here after 5 years than I had in Boston after a decade.
The gay scene here isn't about the scene. It's about Tuesday volleyball, Saturday farmers market run-ins, coffee shop work sessions where you know half the people typing on laptops. It's integrated into regular life, not segregated to specific spaces.
Let's Talk Money (Because Nobody Else Will)
What Things Actually Cost (January 2025)
Housing
- • Studio: $1,200-1,600
- • 1BR: $1,400-2,000
- • 2BR: $1,800-2,800
- • West Asheville adds 20%
- • East Asheville saves 30%
- • Buying? $500K minimum for decent
Daily Life
- • Cortado: $5-7 (and you'll need it daily)
- • Dinner out: $30-50/person easy
- • Groceries: $150-200/week (one person)
- • Gas: $3.50/gallon (you'll drive)
- • Internet: $70-100 (if available)
- • Gym: $40-150 (CrossFit more)
Reality check: If you're making under $50K, you'll need roommates or a partner to split costs. Service industry jobs pay $15-20/hour plus tips. Do the math before you move.
How People Actually Afford It
After showing hundreds of rentals, here's what actually works:
- Remote workers: Bringing city salaries to mountain costs (winning)
- Couples: Two incomes makes everything possible
- House hacking: Rent rooms, Airbnb, whatever it takes
- Service industry pros: Work 2-3 jobs, live with roommates
- Trust fund kids: They exist, you'll meet them
- Retirees: Sold their house in California for cash
I live in North Asheville instead of West because it saves me $400/month. That's $4,800 a year. That's a lot of cortados.
Where Gay People Actually Live (And Why)
Everyone assumes all the gays live in West Asheville. And yeah, there's a concentration there - you'll see more pride flags per block than anywhere else. But we're everywhere, and each neighborhood has its own thing going on.
West Asheville →
The gay epicenter. Walkable, artsy, everyone has pronouns in their email signature. This is where I spend 60% of my time even though I don't live here. Rowan Coffee, All Day Darling, the farmers market - it's all here. Also expensive as hell now.
North Asheville →
Where I actually live. More suburban, still progressive, and you can afford a 2-bedroom. Trader Joe's and Fresh Market for groceries, close to everything but not in the middle of it. The smart gay choice.
River Arts District (RAD) →
Where I run every Tuesday morning. Artists, breweries, and new development fighting with actual artists who've been there forever. Great if you're young and don't mind construction noise. The greenway is incredible.
Montford →
Where the established gays with money live. Beautiful historic homes, pride flags on Victorian porches, everyone has their life together in a way that's both inspiring and intimidating. If you can afford it, it's lovely.
Dating in a Fishbowl (The Truth)
Okay, let's talk about dating because I know you're wondering. I've been single and coupled here, and both are... interesting.
The Numbers Game
Asheville population: ~95,000
Roughly 5% LGBTQ+: ~4,750
Half are gay men: ~2,375
Single and age-appropriate: ~500
Actually available/stable: ~200
Haven't dated yet: ~50
Your actual dating pool: Maybe 50 people
The apps are hilarious. It's the same faces on rotation. Grindr shows guys from Johnson City (90 minutes away). Tinder thinks Greenville, SC is "nearby." You'll match with tourists who are here for a weekend and want a "local experience" (eye roll).
But here's what works: You meet people in real life. At volleyball. At Firestorm Books events. Through friends at house parties. Walking dogs at Carrier Park.
Yes, you'll run into your ex everywhere. Yes, everyone has dated everyone. Yes, it feels incestuous sometimes. But I've also seen more genuine, lasting relationships form here than in any big city. When you can't just swipe to the next person, you actually have to try.
How to Actually Make Money Here
Real talk: unless you're coming with remote work or substantial savings, making ends meet in Asheville is tough. I pivoted from academia to real estate partly because I needed to actually make money, and even that took time to build.
What Works
- • Remote tech/creative: Best scenario
- • Healthcare: Always hiring, decent pay
- • Real estate: If you hustle (like me)
- • Service + side hustle: The Asheville way
- • Start a business: Surprisingly viable
- • Seasonal work: Tourism pays in summer/fall
What's Tough
- • Corporate jobs: Very limited
- • Just service industry: Can't cover rent
- • Freelance only: Feast or famine
- • Minimum wage anything: Impossible
- • No car jobs: Very few options
- • "Finding yourself": Expensive hobby
Pro tip: Before you move, have 6 months of expenses saved or a job lined up. "I'll figure it out when I get there" doesn't work when a coffee costs $7 and rent is $1,800. Trust me, I've seen too many people leave after a year because they couldn't make it work financially.
What Daily Life Actually Looks Like
My Typical Week (For Context)
Weekdays
- • 5:30am: Wake up (always)
- • 6am: Run the RAD greenway or Beaver Lake
- • 7:30am: Cortado at Summit or Rowan
- • 8am-5pm: Showings, contracts, coffee shop work
- • Tuesday/Thursday: Volleyball at Highland
- • Evenings: Reading, Wesley walks, occasional dinner out
Weekends
- • Saturday: Long run (10-12 miles)
- • Farmers market in season
- • Brunch at Sunny Point (if early)
- • Showings for out-of-town clients
- • Evening: Usually West Asheville somewhere
- • Sunday: Meal prep, laundry, existential crisis
What strikes me most about life here is the rhythm. It's slower than city life but not boring. You run into people you know everywhere - Ingles, the greenway, getting gas. Your barista knows your dog's name. Your bartender remembers your last breakup.
There's always something happening - brewery events, art openings, trail races, potlucks - but there's no FOMO because you'll see everyone next Tuesday at volleyball anyway.
The biggest adjustment from city life? Everything closes early. Like, really early. Restaurants stop seating at 8:30. Coffee shops close at 5. Sunday night? Good luck finding anything open past 8. Plan accordingly.
So... Should You Actually Move Here?
After five years of living here and helping dozens of LGBTQ+ folks relocate (or decide not to), here's my honest take:
Move Here If...
- ✓ You value community over scene
- ✓ You can work remotely or have savings
- ✓ You love outdoor activities
- ✓ You want to know your neighbors
- ✓ You're okay with a small dating pool
- ✓ You appreciate art/music/food culture
- ✓ You want seasons that change
- ✓ You're ready to slow down a bit
- ✓ You can handle some isolation
Skip If...
- ✗ You need big city gay nightlife
- ✗ You require extensive public transit
- ✗ You want anonymity
- ✗ You need high-paying corporate jobs
- ✗ You hate tourists
- ✗ You can't work remotely
- ✗ You need diverse dating options
- ✗ You want late-night everything
- ✗ You hate driving
My Honest Bottom Line
Asheville isn't perfect. It's expensive for what it is. The dating scene is tiny. The job market is tough. State politics suck. Tourists clog everything from June to November.
But.
I wake up, see mountains from my window, and know that my day will include at least three genuine human connections. I can be fully, boringly gay without thinking about it. I run trails instead of dodging traffic. I know my barista, my bartender, my veterinarian, and they all know Wesley.
For me, that trade-off works. I came here burned out and closeted in many ways. Now I'm a realtor who plays volleyball twice a week, has a boyfriend who makes me laugh, and genuinely loves showing people around this weird little mountain town.
Two things can be true at once: Asheville might not be what you expect, and it might be exactly what you need.
First, the Reality Check
What's Actually Great
- • Genuinely welcoming LGBTQ+ community
- • Beautiful mountains and outdoor access
- • Thriving arts and food scene
- • Small enough to know people
- • Four real seasons
- • Progressive bubble in the South
What Nobody Tells You
- • Housing is expensive and competitive
- • Dating pool is... limited
- • Still in North Carolina (politics)
- • Tourist season can be overwhelming
- • Job market outside service industry
- • Everyone knows everyone
The Big Questions Everyone Asks
"Is Asheville really LGBTQ+ friendly?"
Short answer: Yes, genuinely. But it's not San Francisco.
You'll see pride flags in windows, queer couples holding hands downtown, and a general "nobody cares" vibe that's refreshing. Highland Brewing volleyball on Tuesdays is basically gay church. O.Henry's is our one gay bar, but honestly, most places are queer-friendly.
The catch: We're still in North Carolina. State politics don't match city values. And the dating pool? Picture this: there are maybe 200 single gay guys in town, and after six months, you'll have met them all.
"Can I afford it?"
The truth: It's not cheap anymore. Those "affordable mountain town" articles are from 2015.
Real Numbers (2025):
- • 1BR apartment: $1,400-2,000/month
- • 2BR house rental: $2,000-3,000/month
- • Home prices: $500K+ for anything decent
- • Coffee: $5-7 (and you'll go daily)
- • Dinner out: $30-50/person
Remote workers do best here. Service industry pays $15-20/hour but you're competing with $2,000 rent. Do the math.
"Where do gay people actually live?"
The gay geography: West Asheville is the epicenter, but we're everywhere.
- West Asheville: Highest concentration of queer folks. Walkable, artsy, expensive.
- North Asheville: More suburban, still progressive, better parking.
- Montford: Historic, central, pricey but charming.
- River Arts District: Up-and-coming, younger crowd, still rough edges.
- East Asheville: More affordable, less walkable, growing community.
Skip: Anything requiring a car to get coffee. Trust me on this.
"What about work?"
Best case: You work remotely or have money saved.
Local jobs exist in healthcare, service industry, and some tech, but salaries don't match cost of living. Most successful transplants either work remotely, start businesses, or come with a financial cushion.
Pro tip: Test your internet speed before signing a lease. Mountain internet can be... creative.
"What's the gay scene really like?"
It's... cozy. Think less "gay scene" and more "gay small town."
- • O.Henry's: Our one gay bar (find it in our business directory). It's fine. You'll have opinions.
- • Highland Volleyball: Where everyone actually hangs out
- • Banks Ave: Monthly queer dance party
- • Pride: October (yes, October), surprisingly big
- • Apps: Same 50 faces on rotation
The upside? You'll make actual friends. The downside? Your ex will be at every event.
Want the Complete Guide?
Get my free guide: "10 Things Every Gay Person Should Know Before Moving to Asheville" - including neighborhood breakdowns, real budget numbers, and insider tips.
Quick Weather Reality
Spring
Beautiful but short. Allergies are real.
Summer
Hot, humid, touristy. AC required.
Fall
Gorgeous. Also peak tourist hell.
Winter
Mild-ish. Random snow. Quiet.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Visit First
Come for a long weekend. Stay in West Asheville or wherever you're considering. Hit Tuesday volleyball.
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I do video calls with folks considering the move. Real talk about your specific situation, not generic advice.
Let's TalkStart Looking
Ready to see what's actually available? I can show you rentals and homes that work for your budget.
Get Started"Moving somewhere new as a gay person is an act of hope. You're betting that this new place will let you be more yourself than where you are now."
- Dylan (made that bet in 2019, won)
Questions? Seriously, ask me anything.
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